Hillary Defending Gun Rights /Obama Takes on Rednecks/Juan McCain Sings

 

By Komissar Blogunov

In a campaign speech given in Valparaiso, Indiana, New York senator and presidential hopeful Hillary Rodham Clinton reasserted her passionate support of the Second Amendment.  “You know, I remember when my father taught me how to shoot.  We would go out for a full auto shoot and barbeque every Sunday after church, unless we were going on visitation with our pastor.”  The senator reminisced about the first time she fired a grenade launcher, “Pardon me for chuckling, but I remember firing a panzerschrek my father brought home from the war.  My little brother Tony was standing behind me and, in a moment of forgetfulness – I was so excited to fire a grenade launcher, I forgot to check the backblast area!  Poor Tony’s hair was singed, and he hasn’t been quite the same ever since.”  

When the laughter died down, Senator Clinton’s tone became more serious, “But you know, growing up around guns trained me for the situations I would face later in life.  When I look at all the expert badges I earned in the Army, when I think of how I survived the Tet offensive, when I recall the happy times I had as a tactical small arms instructor, and when I remember taking out three snipers in Bosnia, I just breathe a short prayer of thanks for my father’s wisdom in teaching me how to handle guns responsibly.”     

Contrasting herself with her Democrat opponent, Mrs. Clinton went on to say, “You know, this is where I differ with Osama, I mean Obama – I really didn’t mean that – people will think I’m trying to bring up his Muslim past, and that’s the farthest thing from my mind, let me tell you.  Anyway, while I have been a supporter of our precious Second Amendment from as far back as I can remember, and a lifetime member of the NRA, Osama, ha-ha, there I
go again, Obama wants to take away our right to defend ourselves from other Muslim terrorists.  Let me tell you something,” she said to a rising crescendo of hoots and cheers, her voice growing louder over the increasingly thunderous applause, “I’m proud of my A+ rating with the NRA, and I’m sick and tired of people telling us that we only cling to our guns out of bitterness, and I am ready, I am ready from day one to protect our rights as gun owners as vigorously as I defended the people of Tuzla!!  

 

 

When a reporter from FOX News asked about previous statements she had made about the need for more extensive gun control, Hillary responded with, “HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!”  The same reporter fell to the floor with his hands over his ears and was removed by paramedics amidst jeers from other news media and Hillary supporters.

 

By Red Square

Dodging the flak over his description of typical small-town rednecks as those who turn to guns and Bibles if left without government supervision, Obama has once again skillfully turned the tables on his opponents with the same maneuver he used during the Jeremiah Wright “controversy”: he returned to Philadelphia and delivered a sweeping speech on the legacy of rednecks in a post-redneck society and the importance of establishing a full government control over the redneck territories – a speech that political strategists agree hearkens back to those of America’s founders, and deserves a similar place in history.

Obama, who grew up in the redneck-free paradise of Hawaii, could have easily stepped into a cultural void of corporate middle-class indifference if he hadn’t embraced the winning theory of class warfare and challenged the country to do better – to drop the old redneck values of self-reliance, and to accept the State as an absolute, in comparison with which all individuals or groups are relative, only to be considered in their relation to the State

Below are excerpts from Sen. Obama’s speech.

“We the people, in order to form a more soviet union…” With these simple words, social workers and community organizers had traveled across the ocean to establish a state of planned economy and redistribution of wealth according to everyone’s needs.

The state they produced ultimately remained unfinished.It was stained by the presence of corncob-smokin’, banjo-strokin’ chicken-chokin’ inbred hillbilly rednecks, who undermined the great American experiment with their distrust of a strong government. They continued to cling to their guns and Bibles, and refused to sacrifice their personal liberties to the Common Good as defined by the government. The rednecks brought the creation of a perfect society to a stalemate, and so the founders gave up and postponed any definitive solution to future generations.

Of course, the answer to the redneck question was already embedded within our Constitution, which has at its very core the subjugation of the individual to a strong centralized government, requiring the surrender of all unauthorized guns, Bibles, and incomes.

Our founders Marx and Engels believed that the government was endowed with unalienable rights to regulate life, ration liberty, and dispense happiness – and that to secure these rights, governments must decide what’s best for the governed, redistribute their property, and indoctrinate their children.

Now, the rednecks will argue that the Constitution says something completely different. But we mustn’t allow rednecks to rewrite our Constitution. We mustn’t allow some small-town, god-crazy, gun-humping non-people to inject bitterness into our brave new world of collective hope, planned tolerance, and organized compassion.

Today, when the promise of the parchment has almost come true, it is up to this generation to find a final solution to the redneck problem. We must redouble the government’s efforts to control lives, ration liberty, and dispense happiness. We must close the gap between our ideals and reality, even if it means shredding the reality to pieces. Can we do it? Yes we can!

It is up to this generation to make the word “redneck” a non-word, completing the construction of a post-redneck society.

I hope none of you are rednecks.

I shall conclude my historic speech by addressing critics who say I’m out of touch with reality.

I would like to show them a letter of support that was sent to me by a nice small-town family of hillbillies. It consisted of only a few lines scribbled over a black and white photograph – a large redneck family in front of a shabby old cracker house. The house needed some serious renovation and was probably in danger of foreclosure. The haggard faces of adults expressed bitterness and determination to fight for whatever little piece of entitlement the government can give them. The children’s eyes revealed the sadness of a child who had been robbed of the true love and compassion of a caring social worker. They were the typical small-town Americans in need of guidance and support of big centralized government – exactly how I had always imagined them.

The note on the photo said,

Y’all cum n’save us, Bawrock Whosane Obomber! We done fell through the Clinton gubbermint net, and the Bush gubbermint net too, so’s we is a gettin’ bitter as bitteroot, we cling to silly ol’ guns, that ol’ time religion, and we been shootin’ folks that ain’t like us, as a way to ‘splain the lack of gubbermint supervision over our po’ simple redneck lives.
Jus’ don’t give nuthin’ fer free to those expletive deletive McCoys.

XOXOXO,
The Hatfield Clan

views from the top:Keith Olbermann, unbiased news anchor:
Obama was right to call the rednecks the untermenchen. Rednecks won’t go away by themselves. They’re too much a part of our national fabric to think that we can move on and make progress as a society without having to eliminate rednecks as a class. We must do it for our children.

Fritz Olbermann, college student and Obama supporter:
Some of Obama’s words were too harsh for my taste. But wouldn’t the world be a better place if all rednecks are put in box cars and deported to some re-education camp or something? Let them live there until they are fit to mix with more enlightened people, like my Dad. Besides, we can redistribute the redneck houses to the more deserving, like the homeless, or the drug-addicted Americans who can’t pay their mortgages. It worked out well for Joseph Stalin with the kulaks. If anything, it might solve the housing problem.

Howard Zinn, historian:
Obama correctly identified the problem. This is also why the famous Hatfield-McCoy feud of 1878-1891 happened. Those families fell through the safety nets of the Cleveland and Harrison administrations, and they got bitter. They discovered guns and religion, and began to shoot people who weren’t like them as a way to explain their frustrations.

SourceThe Peoples Cube

                               

                                           STAR SPANGLED BANDIDO

 

Olé! We will sneak,
‘Cross the border tonight.
There’s no wall to be scaled,
And your laws aren’t worth heeding.
We will need no green cards,
Nor a license to drive.
All hail Vicente Fox!
We’re here and not leaving.
Your family needs an au pair!
And some help with lawn care!
So why put up a fight,
When good help is so rare?

                        Celebrate as our tri-colored banner is raised
                                       Over our new colonies
                                     In the land of the dazed!

  Brought to you today for some laughs by PoLitICallY InCorrect Red Neck Gun     Tote-ING Seniorita…se?  Buenos Dias!

 

 

 

 

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5 Comments

  1. Angie, I got this far:

    “You know, I remember when my father taught me how to shoot. We would go out for a full auto shoot and barbeque every Sunday after church, unless we were going on visitation with our pastor.”

    And started to feel like I’d entered the twilight zone. Then it all just got weirder and weirder til I realized it was ‘Just for fun’ once I got to the end. Snickering all the way through the second read. That is really funny, girl. Good find!

    Sorry to put you in the twilight zone there for a minute..:) just feel I need a little humor now and then to put up with all the nonsense out there.
    Glad you had some fun..

  2. Corncob-smokin’, banjo-strokin’ chicken-chokin’ inbred hillbilly rednecks which love to hunt and not bitter or filled with hate like the Obama family has been with the likes of Rev. Wright who is like Obama a half bred in between something that is lost in the middle of no where! Someone for got alot of rednecks loves to wear sheets….yes white sheets with eye holes! Oh just to let the viewers know these rednecks are good shots with their guns that they are clinging to! Good for all you rednecks! 🙂

  3. I knew it was humor, a leftist for the right to bear arms, heavens no! That’s just not possible, heck most of their merry schemes are stopped just by people who demand the right to be independent and defend themselves when needed.

    Merry schemes indeed, MK.

  4. Wow, Angie! Look at the classy people commenting on your blog about sheets and half breeds. I don’t know about you, but it makes me damn proud to be an American when I read stuff like that.

    Do you want free speech or not? I have only deleted one comment and that was an accident..so…anyhoo, this one about sheets got in there without my doing anything, I am letting it stand.

  5. I didn’t say you shouldn’t let it through! I was just pointing out how awesome the guy is. Geez. 🙂

    Sorry Duh, suffering from post traumatic pms.. with a lot of antibiotics that are not working to boot! LOL! he was awesome right?


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